thanks & i'd rather give you a bitch slap.

you know how irritating it is when you constantly worry about how others think of you; (your atttitude, personality, humour, work, appearance, what you said and how you give out advices and opinions), when at the same time, you really don't care and that you keep telling yourself that, but however there's this tiny itch where you actually care what other losers think about you.

do you get me?


or like you had this conversation with a good friend, a friend, or an acquaintance and unconsciously you might use some words or give out opinions that offended them unintentionally because at that time, you perceived it as something common or usual that you would normally say. however, from your friend's perspective, she perceived it as something offending or hurtful and does not understand that you really had no intention in hurting anyone with what you said.

and then when you go home, switch on the TV and maybe have some alone time and that moment you recall that conversation you had with the friend and then just realised that what you said may offend them. then you start to worry because it might cause a misunderstanding and a conflict between the two of you. however petty it is, you're still worried because different people have different perceptions and understandings, right? and it could definitely lead to something horrendous if that friend of yours decides to exaggerate the conversation they had with you to other loser friends of theirs.

so what do you do?


i know that these two topics aren't related but right now the solution to the two problems is just to give them the bitch slap that they deserve, oh and i might add in a little wiggle of the middle finger as a bonus treat, thank you.

i know you well, i know your smell.

can i say it's coincidental that when you got into my car when i picked you up a few hours before you left for the airport and this song came up on the radio:



except that we weren't breaking up, just having to say goodbye as we're not even sure when we'll ever see each other again. that was difficult as we were both silent in the car, listening to the lyrics, enjoying the company of each other.

are you proud of me that i did not cry when you had to board the flight? i didn't cry because you told me i'm already a big girl, and i'll be fine on my own. i am, i will be, it's just hard to get used to not having you around with me after almost 4 years together. i remember everything what you said and promised me that night and i'm holding on to it. you didn't have to hold back how you felt, you don't need to show me that you're strong and that you can do it on your own, i can see right through you that you are in the same situation as i am in. it must be scary for you to leave everyone behind and start a new life, and deal with it on you own for the next couple of years. but you know i'm always here for you. like you said, even if we're far apart, we have each other in our hearts wherever we'll be and wherever we'll go.





i just want you to know that i am always, always here with you.

soulmate

in a few hours you'll need to check in and then board the plane.
i know it's difficult for the both of us but like you said, we'll always be with each other no matter what.

i'm getting ready for the airport to send you off.
i'm a big girl, but i won't promise you that i will not cry.
two years is just a journey away........ and i'll be waiting for you at the end of the road.

leaving on a jet plane.

you have merely about 72 hours left before you leave. i'm almost able to accept the fact that i won't see you until God knows when.


i trust in us, i trust in you.
i just find it difficult to trust the new people that you'll meet, and the surrounding that you'll be in. not to worry, i'll figure it out.


Dammit i'm gonna miss you so freaking much.

an end to a final start

(yvan rodic)

tomorrow shall be the last day to a beginning to a 4 month period of pressure, sleepless nights, stress & countless amount of work to be done and submitted. honestly speaking, i am not ready and & i lack of motivation. maybe magic will happen once all of the work start rolling in. deep breaths, deep breaths.

and in less than 5 days, the boyfriend will board an 8 hour flight to a destination that he will have to call 'home' for the next 2 years to get his degree. the chances of not seeing him for more than 104 weeks shatters me but life can get tougher , & i've been through shittier situations so i am going to deal with it, as much as i know it'll suck because this time, he won't physically be around. but look on the shinier, sparkly side, there's always Skype eh? however, internet body contact is yet to be created. :(

i just need a long hug and a cuddle and for him to tell me that everything will be fine because we have a lifetime together to look forward to once we get through this.



.....i can't wait for that day to come.